The Power of Choices

Has something like this ever happened to you:

Parent: want to wear this to school?

Child: No!

Parent: Please wear this to school!

Child: I said NO!

Parent: You have to wear this to school, so put it on!

Child gets upset and cries

Parent feels frustrated and upset

If you’re like most parents, you can probably relate to this situation and you may have had a similar experience.  It’s wonderful that you’re asking your child for his opinion.  However, when you ask your child a yes/no question, you’re leading him to believe that he has complete control over the situation (which usually isn’t the case…). Instead of asking a yes/no question, try giving him choices.  For example, instead of saying “do you want to brush your teeth today?” try saying “do you want to use your Spiderman toothbrush or the red one?” Instead of saying “do you want to wear this today?” try asking your child “do you want to wear the blue t-shirt or the orange one?”  Giving your child choices will help him develop a sense of confidence as he feels responsible for some of the decisions in his life. Choices will also help reduce some of the unnecessary battles. Although this is a technique that can be used for toddlers, you can actually use this technique with older children and teens as well!  In fact, it is actually a common sales technique – do you want to come in tomorrow morning or afternoon?

This technique is so effective that your kids might catch on…  Just ask my best friend Julia.  Her adorable (and very smart!) 3-year-old daughter, Maddy, decided to use this technique when she was upset. Maddy gave Julia 2 choices: she could either stomp her feet or cry like a baby! Needless to say, Julia was completely caught off guard.  Thankfully, this technique usually leads to more positive outcomes!