New (School) Year Resolution

Although the new year officially starts in January, I, like a lot of parents, tend to think about the new year starting in September when the kids go back to school. So, I am taking this opportunity to make a new years resolution - to start keeping track of anecdotes related to psychology. I think this would be valuable for two reason: 1) to actually remember cute stories! and 2) because I've promised some friends I would share stories that help them understand basic psychology techniques. So, here I am, actually following through with my resolution! Since school is starting, I thought it would be appropriate to begin my blog with that topic. Many children get nervous before starting school, even if they've been going to the same school since JK. This is completely normal! The unknown is always a little scary. Since kids often struggle to articulate their feelings, their anxiety may be expressed in other ways. For example, they may feel sick to their stomach, they may not sleep well, they may become more whiny than usually, or they may seek comfort from their favorite toy or blanket. It is important for kids to try to verbalize what's going on for them so that we can actually help them get over their fears. This is a skill they need to learn and doesn't come naturally to most kids. Once they can label their emotions, we can also help them challenge their negative thoughts. This means that we get them to argue against their unhelpful thoughts. We have been working with my 6-year old son Alex on labelling and challenging his negative thoughts for a while. When he was really little and got nervous, he would hide behind me and stop talking. Although he still does this when he gets really scared, he now has the vocabulary to articulate what he's feeling (which makes our job as parents much easier!). Here's an example of the progress he's made. I was walking with Alex to school (he started Grade 1 this year). Right before we got to the school yard, he stopped dead in his tracks and said "mama, I'm having a negative thought". "What is your negative thought?" I asked. "Kids won't want to play with me". I then asked him what he should do, to which he replied "I'm really struggling to challenge this one" (referring to the technique of challenging negative thoughts). "Maybe I should take a deep breath first" he said. Little did I know, an acquaintance of mine was following us and overheard our whole conversation. Needless to say, she burst out laughing and told my son that he had better coping skills than most adults she knows. Despite the fact that my 6-year old was using psych lingo in his every day vocabulary (a tell tale sign that he is the offspring of a psychologist...), he was demonstrating a skill that any child can practice and use routinely- becoming aware and challenging negative thoughts. It is important to help children understand why they're feeling scared or anxious. Once you understand their concern, you can help them by saying "a lot of kids worry about that". Then help them challenge their thought by saying "kids love playing with you". For older kids, you can also ask "what would your best friend tell you?". This will allow them to start challenging their negative thoughts on their own. The point is to have children recognize that their thoughts are normal (all kids have negative thoughts at some point), but not necessarily accurate. Doing this is a first step to getting over common fears and/or anxiety.

Julie