iToddler?

Now for the first contribution from another author…  This entry was written by Julia Peters.  She currently works in IT/Healthcare integration and has 2 beautiful children, a 3-year old girl and a 1-year old boy.  Not only is Julia familiar with technology, but she also has graduate training in developmental psychology and stays up-to-date with current research. So, who better to talk about technology and child development than Julia?! I hope you enjoy her entry.    

I use to have an iPad. Now my toddler has one! But personally, I don’t mind the change of ownership, especially now that I have invested in a protective cover to ensure extra durability of my beloved device.  Generally, I don’t really consider myself a techy, despite working in IT, but I do love myself a gadget and so far, I am still 'out-teching' my toddler (not sure how long that will last though). 

Understandably, a debate rages around technology and toddlers; how much is too much, and how young is too young?  The American Pediatric Society suggests limiting screen time for kids under 2 years and suggests no more than 30 minutes for children 3-5 years.  As you can imagine, there has been an abundance of backlash from parents suggesting that reality dictates that with technology everywhere, limiting technology to zero in this busy world may not be realistic. To date, there is no evidence of long-term developmental problems; though experts agree that children learn more efficiently through real-life interactions as compared with interactions with technology gadgets.  There are valid points to be made on both sides of the discussion (which is worthy of a blog devoted entirely to it), but as with most things, I personally believe the key to success lies in the quality and quantity of consumption.  Bottom line:  All families are different, and what is right for one child may not be right for another, and parents need to make a judgment call on what is best for them.

With that in mind, I have fully embraced technology with my children, though I work to ensure that screen time (whether it be television, computer, smartphone, or leapfrog) does not replace free play and often, my favourite part of the day is curled up with my 3-year old using the iPad together.

What I love the most about apps for kids is that there are so many options, you surely can find something that is geared directly at what interests your toddler most and with an inexpensive price tag, it’s easier to keep up with their constantly evolving abilities and interests.  For any other parents that have had their iPad pilfered by their toddler, or for those who are considering introducing the technology, here is a glimpse at some of my current favourite apps (specifically for 3 years and under).  If you have some other suggestions, I would love to hear them, so I can start my Christmas shopping.

Make Me Smile. I love this app because it teaches children to recognize different emotions (in adorable monster form) which is necessary for emotion regulation and provides the perfect opportunity for parents to discuss how to deal with influx of emotions that their toddlers are experiencing. A neat extra is that parents have the option of setting up the app to take photos of your child empathizing with the cute monsters. Price tag: $1.99

There’s a Monster at the End of this Book.  My kids already have a library of picture e-books, but this is one of the most popular from our collection.  The hard copy version of this story is a classic, and the app version only makes endearing Grover more lovable.  It’s fun, interactive and super cute.  And with the opportunity to either read or be read to, this app grows with its audience.  Price tag: $3.99

Juno’s Piano.  Kids love to make noise, so this app is a sure winner.  Although there are many fun piano apps that are readly available for free, I enjoy that this one has the ‘learn a song’ feature that begin to teach your blossoming Beethoven to play a few purposeful notes.  Price tag: $0.99

Talking Rex the Dinosaur.  This is my kids’ all-time favourite app (all-time = she's 3 years old). Though it doesn’t provide much in terms of educational value, if you are looking for a way to provide much needed entertainment (perhaps on a long car ride), this app is for you.  The kids will get an enormous kick out of hearing their words get repeated back in a scary dinosaur voice.  A bonus, my son has been a fan of it since he was 8 months, and my 3 year old still loves it.  Price tag:  Free

Sound Touch.  This app is a modern take on the flashcard.  There are literally hundreds of variations of toddler flashcards available on the market, but I particularly like this one because the focus is on pictures with sounds rather than the usual naming convention.  You can download the free version, which is good enough, or spend $ to get all of the compelte themes.  Price Tag: Free (Lite version) or $4.99 (full version)

Happy Halloween!

How could I possibly write a blog about parenting without talking about Halloween! If your kids are like mine, they barely slept last night and jumped out of bed this morning (if only every morning could be so easy, sigh…). Although Halloween is an exciting time for children, it can also be very scary.  I can still remember one year, when I was about 5, we were trick or treating in our neighbourhood when I heard scary music in the background.  I had no idea where it was coming from (I know now that it was my neighbour playing it on a tape recorder –remember those?! ). But when I was 5, it was incredibly scary for me because I couldn’t understand what was going on.  When young children have gaps in their understanding (e.g., I hear strange music, but I don’t know where it’s coming from or why it’s being played), they try to figure it out themselves.  Sometimes that can lead to additional fear and anxiety (e.g., maybe I hear that music because the house next door is haunted). However, if we can help them fill in the gaps, it can help reduce anxiety.  If your children look scared tonight, take a moment to explain what they’re seeing.  If your children are older, have them explain it to you and help them out if necessary.  Without explanation, the child may feel a negative reaction (fear, anxiety, etc.).  The reaction may not be immediate and it may actually be expressed before bed or even during their dreams!  More to come on dreams and night terrors in the next blog entry…  Until then, have a safe and happy Halloween!

Julie

Play Time And Time For Play

One of the most significant things kids do is play.  Play is so important because it allows children an opportunity to develop and practice their language skills, motor skills, social skills and creativity. Although our days are already jammed pack with school, homework, supper and after school activities, it is also really important to make time for play.  In addition to the developmental advantages play offers, it is also a really good way to connect with your child. Taking a few minutes every day to play with your child has been shown to help build a secure attachment. It can also help reduce negative behaviours. However, there are a few things you need to consider in order to have the most successful play experience with your child.

1.       Set aside some time a daily basis.  Studies have shown that as little as 10 minutes is needed to help build attachment.

2.       Make it one-on-one. If you have more than one child, it would be easier to play with all of your children at the same time. However, it is important for each child to get some individual time.

3.       Let your child choose the game.  Although it is tempting to structure their activities, it is important to let them choose the game.  Not only will it help develop their confidence, it will also show your child that your interest in him is genuine.

4.       Let your child lead.  We spend a lot of time teaching our children.  We label things, explain how things work and help them understand concepts.  Although educating our children is important, children also need time to just play.

5.       Get on the floor next to your child. If you’re not beside your child, you are not really engaged.  You’re more of an observer.  Being on the floor next to your child allows you to be completely hands-on.

6.       Have fun!  When was the last time you were able to escape your world and play? Not only will you get to see the world through your child’s eyes, you may also have a little fun yourself.

Although it is extremely difficult to fit one-on-one playtime into your day, it may actually take less time than correcting a negative behaviour.  Children will look for attention any way they can, even if the attention they’re getting is negative.  If your child has figured out that the only way he can get your full attention is to climb on the counter or throw things on the ground, you’ll be spending a lot of time disciplining.  However, if your child learns that he will have your individual attention on a daily basis, his negative behaviours may decrease.  Try it consistently for a week and see for yourself!

Labelling Emotions

Saturday night, my niece Natasha got married.  Natasha is a very relaxed, easy going and gentle human being.  She also loves children!  Therefore, children were not only asked to attend the wedding, she also included all the children in the ceremony.  She and her (now) husband got married in a beautiful old house.  Most of the celebration was downstairs; however, the children had a playroom upstairs complete with an Early Childhood Educator to provide them with entertainment.  Needless to say, the kids loved it and had a blast.  As the night went on, the fatigue became apparent.  When one child was coming down the stairs, he slid and almost fell.  At that point, I decided that it was time for Alex to stay close to me and not return upstairs. After a few minutes, Alex tried to sneak back upstairs to see his friends.  When he looked down to see if I could see him, he saw me looking at him.  I didn't show any emotion on my face, I simply looked at him.  He immediately turned around and started coming down the stairs, making his way toward me.  As he was coming down, he said "what, are you angry, sad or frustrated?"  My cousin Cheryl was standing right beside me and we both started laughing. Cheryl said "I guess he needs to know exactly where you stand before he comes down".

Aside from the fact that it was quite humorous to hear a 6-year old say something like that, I also was very impressed with his ability to differentiate between similar emotions. We have been labelling emotions since he was a toddler and I can see how helpful it is today.  Helping children label their emotions allows them to communicate exactly what they're feeling instead of demonstrating them in a maladaptive (negative) way.  Consider this- when a child is upset, he gets an overwhelming and intense physical sensation in his body.  When this happens, the child needs to release that energy.  If a child does not have the words to express how he feels, he can become aggressive, throw himself on the ground or start crying uncontrollably.  However, if a child knows how to label his emotions, he can tell an adult what's going on so that the adult can help him through the emotion. The best way to teach children to understand their emotions is by labelling their emotions for them.  When your 2-year old starts crying because she can't find her favourite doll, you can say "you're so sad". When your 5-year old tries putting 2 pieces of lego together and the pieces don't connect properly, you can say "you look frustrated". Although it's important to label negative feelings, it's also important to label the positive ones so that they're aware of the good things they feel as well. 

Another way to help your child label their emotions is by having drawings with faces expressing different emotions readily available.  When you see that your child is feeling an emotion, you can take out the chart and ask them to point to the face that demonstrates how they're feeling.  Younger children could have a choice between a few different faces (happy, sad, angry, scared, and excited).  However, older children can have more faces with more complex emotions (frustrated, enthusiastic, empathetic, envious, jealous, etc).

If you introduce this concept early and frequently, labelling emotions will become second nature to your child. Warning: he might surprise you when he helps you label your own emotions. Even if he's only 6! 

"It's not me, it's my behaviour!"

Not only is it the beginning of the school year for my son, it's also the beginning of the school year for me (as a part-time professor). I am very fortunate to teach something that I am absolutely passionate about - child development. While teaching today, we spent a lot of time talking about behaviour and how we communicate with children about negative behaviours. I have had countless experiences in the past with people referring to a children who are "bad". Generally speaking, when someone positions a child this way, I understand that they are actually referring to a behaviour rather then the child as a whole. However, this semantic translation could easily be lost on a different audience (e.g. a child, a mother, etc.). When children engage in a negative behaviour, it is important to tell them that you're disappointed in their behaviour, not them. If children understand that their behaviour is negative, they can change it. However, if they believe that you're disappointed in them, they can feel shameful and think that something is wrong with them.

I've always made a point of emphasizing this with my older son, Alex, but I'm not sure he grasped the concept at first. One day, shortly after having my second son, Jacob, we were driving home from my mom's. In the rear-view mirror, I could see Alex poking Jacob. I asked him to stop, but he waited until he thought I couldn't see him anymore and then he started poking faster. At that point, I said "Alex, you need to stop hurting your brother" to which he replied "it's not me, it's my behaviour!". Needless to say, I had to clarify what I meant when I say that I'm disappointed in his behaviour... Once kids do understand the concept, it can be an effective way of communicating your disappointment without making your child feel bad about themselves.

Julie