Play Time And Time For Play

One of the most significant things kids do is play.  Play is so important because it allows children an opportunity to develop and practice their language skills, motor skills, social skills and creativity. Although our days are already jammed pack with school, homework, supper and after school activities, it is also really important to make time for play.  In addition to the developmental advantages play offers, it is also a really good way to connect with your child. Taking a few minutes every day to play with your child has been shown to help build a secure attachment. It can also help reduce negative behaviours. However, there are a few things you need to consider in order to have the most successful play experience with your child.

1.       Set aside some time a daily basis.  Studies have shown that as little as 10 minutes is needed to help build attachment.

2.       Make it one-on-one. If you have more than one child, it would be easier to play with all of your children at the same time. However, it is important for each child to get some individual time.

3.       Let your child choose the game.  Although it is tempting to structure their activities, it is important to let them choose the game.  Not only will it help develop their confidence, it will also show your child that your interest in him is genuine.

4.       Let your child lead.  We spend a lot of time teaching our children.  We label things, explain how things work and help them understand concepts.  Although educating our children is important, children also need time to just play.

5.       Get on the floor next to your child. If you’re not beside your child, you are not really engaged.  You’re more of an observer.  Being on the floor next to your child allows you to be completely hands-on.

6.       Have fun!  When was the last time you were able to escape your world and play? Not only will you get to see the world through your child’s eyes, you may also have a little fun yourself.

Although it is extremely difficult to fit one-on-one playtime into your day, it may actually take less time than correcting a negative behaviour.  Children will look for attention any way they can, even if the attention they’re getting is negative.  If your child has figured out that the only way he can get your full attention is to climb on the counter or throw things on the ground, you’ll be spending a lot of time disciplining.  However, if your child learns that he will have your individual attention on a daily basis, his negative behaviours may decrease.  Try it consistently for a week and see for yourself!

"It's not me, it's my behaviour!"

Not only is it the beginning of the school year for my son, it's also the beginning of the school year for me (as a part-time professor). I am very fortunate to teach something that I am absolutely passionate about - child development. While teaching today, we spent a lot of time talking about behaviour and how we communicate with children about negative behaviours. I have had countless experiences in the past with people referring to a children who are "bad". Generally speaking, when someone positions a child this way, I understand that they are actually referring to a behaviour rather then the child as a whole. However, this semantic translation could easily be lost on a different audience (e.g. a child, a mother, etc.). When children engage in a negative behaviour, it is important to tell them that you're disappointed in their behaviour, not them. If children understand that their behaviour is negative, they can change it. However, if they believe that you're disappointed in them, they can feel shameful and think that something is wrong with them.

I've always made a point of emphasizing this with my older son, Alex, but I'm not sure he grasped the concept at first. One day, shortly after having my second son, Jacob, we were driving home from my mom's. In the rear-view mirror, I could see Alex poking Jacob. I asked him to stop, but he waited until he thought I couldn't see him anymore and then he started poking faster. At that point, I said "Alex, you need to stop hurting your brother" to which he replied "it's not me, it's my behaviour!". Needless to say, I had to clarify what I meant when I say that I'm disappointed in his behaviour... Once kids do understand the concept, it can be an effective way of communicating your disappointment without making your child feel bad about themselves.

Julie